A few things about life: final reflection on MYSA

*This entry contains some explicit descriptions that may be difficult to read*

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I saw a lot of disturbing things over the past month. I saw extreme poverty, hunger, and violence. I saw suffering, illness, and death. Once, I saw a little girl get run over by a bicycle, sending the small canister of food she was holding fly about twenty feet through the air. Another time, I saw two men fighting. One hit the other in the face, sending him reeling into the street as a huge truck was speeding by. I didn't see the impact because I was passing on a bus, but I heard it. I'm not sure if he lived.

Every day, I saw small children huffing glue out of dirty bottles to stifle their hunger and give them the courage to ask strangers for money so they could extend life one more day. Every day, I saw at least one person lying on the side of the road or in a trash pile who very well could have been dead. I had many tense encounters with people drunk out of their minds on chang'aa, an illegal liquor which causes blindness or death in many of its users. I saw little kids playing in streams and muddy roads full of trash, diseased animals, and human feces.

I saw many things that made me question life and the order of things in this world. But I also heard laughter everywhere I went. I saw the smiles and friendly handshakes of neighbors who rely on each other's business to live. I realized that children will play no matter what situation they are forced to endure. I saw more children playing together than I've ever seen in my life.

Now when I see the slums and the hard life and the pain, I no longer feel like crying the way I did at first. Because I've met and lived with the people who reside there. I've seen the motivation and incredible potential of young people who have very defined goals and dreams.

MYSA has opened a lot of doors to these aspirations. I almost cried in the middle of several video interviews I did with my friends when they said things like "I just want to act. I know I have talent and I want people to see that. I want to make a difference" or "What impact has MYSA and Haba na Haba had on the people of Mathare? Well, you can start with me. I love music and I've always had a talent for it and now I'm doing it. Without MYSA, I might be selling drugs, stealing, or even dead." My friend Bonface told me that most of the kids he grew up with were hanged for stealing or are spending the rest of their lives in jail.

I have never seen anything make as tangible of a difference as this organization. I physically see the impact it has when I pass the kid sniffing glue on my way to a rehearsal where hundreds of other kids have given it up to sing and dance together. Football, dance, music, and drama have given these kids something to look forward to every day. And with the performing arts, it's educating the community at the same time.

At this point, I don't know what else to say. I have so many images and words floating around in my head that just don't make sense written down right now. I know these things will continue to make me think for months and even years to come.

In an e-mail to my dad, I realized that this month has taught me more about humanity and myself than any other component of the trip, even if it wasn't necessarily the most unique experience (compared to hunter/gatherers, pastoralists, drinking goat's blood, the rainforest, etc.). I had a lot of alone time in complete silence that forced me to think about many things related to the experience and about the future, home, and why I'm doing what I'm doing.

I'm now back at the compound in Karen relaxing, putting up a fake Christmas tree and listening to Christmas music in an attempt to make the transition back to the States a little easier. A strange and complex feeling is settling in as I prepare to say goodbye to this place and to my St. Lawrence friends (who I've lived with for five months, so that will be anything but easy) and to re-unite with my family, friends, and Julia. Hopefully I will get a chance to write something again before I leave, but if not, kwaherini na ninapenda nyinyi.